Why the armor that got you here isn’t the same thing that will take you further.
It’s no secret that women in leadership are powerful forces. We keep showing up, keep advocating, keep working to make sure our voices are heard alongside our peers. And yet, from the outside, it can look like we have it all together — poised, capable, unshakeable. What doesn’t always show is the quiet belief that being vulnerable isn’t safe. That somewhere along the way, we learned it’s easier to protect what’s happening inside than to risk showing it.
A hard shell on the outside, guarding something softer underneath, is more common than most of us admit. If you’ve ever sat through a 360-degree review, you know the particular kind of anxiety that comes with not knowing what people really think of you — and the bracing you do before you find out.
The Shell We Learn to Wear
I grew up watched by a single mom who was, by any measure, a strong leader. Tough, you might say. Looking back now, I understand exactly why. Teaching a language as a mandatory elective to junior and senior high schoolers is not for the faint of heart — she had to be firm to survive the job, let alone thrive in it.
I learned toughness early, and I built my own shell to match hers — protecting the softer, more sensitive parts of me at all costs. I took my share of ridicule as a young adult for it. And later, working my way up in corporate life, I made an unconscious decision to keep hiding what I felt. I wasn’t dealing with a bully, at least not by my own account, but I did collect some hard feedback along the way.
“Wow, you do have a pulse.” Said in fun, I suppose. It stayed with me anyway.
“When I first met you, I was intimidated by you.”
I’ve taken more than one professional assessment since, and they all come back with some version of the same result: no-nonsense player. It’s accurate. It’s also only half the story.
Strength Doesn’t Have to Be Hard
Women in leadership don’t have to carry a hard shell to succeed. And if we do — like I have — it’s an ongoing practice to find the balance. The comments I received still surface every now and then, little lessons that resurface when I least expect them. But here’s what I’ve come to know: women have a gift for holding strength, empathy, and authenticity all at once. None of it has to cancel the others out.
In my Positive Positioning coaching work, the first thing I tell clients is this: your mindset sets the tone for everything that follows. Curiosity is a far more useful place to lead from than certainty. We won’t always get it right, and some days we won’t feel motivated to show up any differently than we did yesterday. That’s fine. Leadership is an ongoing practice, not a finished product — and there will be days your leadership doesn’t fully reflect who you are or how you want to show up. That’s part of it, not a failure of it.
Curiosity Over Certainty
The shift isn’t about abandoning the strength that got you here. It’s about loosening the grip on it just enough to let something more honest through — empathy, presence, the willingness to be seen as a whole person rather than a performance. That’s not weakness. It’s a different, more sustainable kind of strength, and it’s one more Women in Leadership are giving themselves permission to claim.
Before you go, sit with these for a moment:
What do you want to achieve in the next thirty days?
What does it look like if you succeed?
What is stopping you — is it you, or is it your story?
Together, we can remove the self-doubt and start writing your next chapter. You get to choose the version of stretch that’s right for you — just enough further to reach a new limit, with room to celebrate every win along the way.
If this resonated, I’d love to talk. Book a complimentary discovery call and let’s explore what leading with strength and authenticity could look like for you.
Michele Delgado, Founder Hartmetrics